The Ex Files

What Elena Said!

Here's what Panasonic and agency Renegade, N.Y., have been up to. I'd write a story for Ex Files, but our Web editor beat me to it! Becky ([email protected])

Jonesin' for Jargon

My boyfriend is jealous of that old codger pictured on the Yahtzee box. As a child, he wanted to join the game that the adults were playing, but they turned down this request because he was “too young.” As he sat off on the card-table sidelines, the sketch of the smiling senior sporting a graduation cap seemed to be mocking him as if to say, “I’m smarter than you.” (“Yeah, well, why is he just now graduating at age 65 then?” is my conclusion, but it doesn’t seem to reassure him.)

People who overuse marketing jargon are my version of the Yahtzee Man. My impression is that executives who spout it think they are more intelligent than me, as if being tapped into this more-sophisticated strain of pig Latin is the equivalent of some secret handshake or shorthand for “I attended an expensive MBA program and you didn’t.” Other terms are more inclusive, but just plain cliche. Joyous will be the day I receive a press release within which a marketing executive isn’t quoted as being “excited,” “pleased” or “thrilled” to be “partnering with [insert brand/agency/celebrity name here].”

With the buzz, blurriness and built-in obsolescence of such terms as “experiential,” “viral” and “guerrilla” marketing running through my mind lately, I’ve got jargon on the noggin. Here are some of my least favorite terms used by marketers, and I’d like you to share yours, too:

* Due diligence: To me, this one says, “I was too lazy to do real research, but would have a hard time looking you in the eye while saying that directly”
* Cut through the clutter: This term explains what Brandweek journalists have to do as we paraphrase your quote and/or extract these four words because, collectively, they have been officially banned from our magazine
* Win-win situation: I’d bet good money that this will be the next phrase barred from our publication. Any takers?
* At the end of the day: It’s “Later,” dude
* On my plate: You are eating at the wrong restaurants if your meal is on par with any work-related assignment
* Paradigm shift: This one was semi-officially retired in late 1997 after some Internet entrepreneur realized that people weren’t absolutely squealing about the technological breakthrough that allowed them to order a pizza online
* SEM: Sounds more mysterious--and dirtier--than it is
* Out of the box, outside the box: For those who read the print mag, yes, I wrote a column called OOTB for years, but I’m not responsible for naming it. It is now known as Data Points
* Interfacing: When did we stop “talking”?
* Brand soul: Ick! Sounds like someone’s been drinking the Kool-Aid…
* Vertical integration: Gives me vertigo
* Vendors: “Get your peanuts here!”
* Turnkey solution: Ironically, these are rarely “turnkey” or a “solution” in practice
* This space: Please give me some breathing room from this term used to describe a vast entity that can’t really be comprehended, a la the Milky Way or the Internet
* Consumers: Yes, we all say it, but at the least, shouldn’t usage be limited to conversations about shopping and actual transactions, not as an all-occasions synonym for “people”? It’s easier to rationalize the implications of one’s marketing when the target is a pack of lemmings carrying ATM cards rather than actual humans

I intend to keep jargon to a minimum in this blog, as I think the readers I’ll attract would prefer that. Does marketing/business jargon give you indigestion? I’d love to hear your least favorites words and phrases. Maybe we can all make a pact and not use them. Also, wouldn’t it be fun to come up with an important-sounding yet bogus term that we can spread virally? Looking forward to “interfacing” with you in “this space” for a “win-win-WIN.”
Becky ([email protected])

PS: Every time you click this link an angel gets his wings